McCain aims for all war, all the time

photo by laubklein

John “I know how to win wars” McCain probably turned cartwheels that just as Obama went on vacation, an international incident was taking place. Russian troops have engaged with Eastern European neighbor Georgia, and an estimated 1500 are dead as a result of military action thus far.

The Obama campaign pressed for both sides to sit down and negotiate peacefully:

I strongly condemn the outbreak of violence in Georgia, and urge an immediate end to armed conflict. Now is the time for Georgia and Russia to show restraint, and to avoid an escalation to full scale war. Georgia’s territorial integrity must be respected. All sides should enter into direct talks on behalf of stability in Georgia, and the United States, the United Nations Security Council, and the international community should fully support a peaceful resolution to this crisis.

McCain, on the other hand, prefers to be more hands on.

The government of Georgia has called for a cease-fire and for a resumption of direct talks on South Ossetia with international mediators. The U.S. should immediately convene an emergency session of the United Nations Security Council to call on Russia to reverse course. The U.S. should immediately work with the EU and the OSCE to put diplomatic pressure on Russia to reverse this perilous course it has chosen. We should immediately call a meeting of the North Atlantic Council to assess Georgia’s security and review measures NATO can take to contribute to stabilizing this very dangerous situation. Finally, the international community needs to establish a truly independent and neutral peacekeeping force in South Ossetia.

Why let Georgia and Russia resolve the crisis diplomatically with outside support as needed, when the US can butt in to tell the two nations how to resolve the conflict?

>>>> sarcasm alert <<<<

In fact, this could be the makings of a new job creation plan supported by McCain!  Upwards of 8,000 jobs are at risk in Ohio, as a result of a DHL deal lobbied for by McCain campaign manager Rick Davis. Over 463,000 jobs have been lost this year, with more on the way as the economy continues its downward slide. Given the recruitment issues experienced by the Armed Forces, expanding US war activity to several more fronts could generate plenty of jobs via mandatory conscription. [Insert awkward smile.]

We could turn to our ally, Israel for a blueprint of such service. Without a valid reason for a waiver, men and single women join the Israel Defense Forces at 18.  All will serve 2 years (this requirement will be in place by 2010)  before being shifted to reserve forces until age 51 for men and 24 for single women.  Reserve duty requires 39 days of service per year.

In the name of gender equity,  all Americans*, including nationalized citizens, regardless of relationship status** will serve 2 years, with deferments offered for those pursuing higher education.  Those deferred for educational purposes would be expected to report for duty within a month of graduating.  For those not signing up for additional service they would be shifted to the reserves for an optional 30 days of service annually, until the age of 36.  (Incidentally, to run for President, one must be 36 years old; thus they can immediately run for office on a platform of dedicated service to the country.)

Currently, there are just under 1.5 million Americans serving in the military, with a matching 1.5 million in reserves.   Through a mandatory service requirement we could create jobs.  In lieu of contracting out to companies like Blackwater and Halliburton, we would instead have a fully stocked military ready to handle the infrastructure needs (male recruits can work on construction details rebuilding countries we level) and domestic needs (female recruits can keep bases tidy, prepare meals, and bake cookies for the hardworking males), in addition to our regular participation in regime changes and the liberation of the oppressed all around the globe.

Meanwhile, we’d decimate domestic spending on health care, welfare, education and social security to pay for the sharp increase in expenditures on weapons, tanks, fighter planes, etc. from munitions and vehicle manufacturers, thus creating jobs.  On top of this military paraphernalia, we’ll need additional health care workers to handle the psychological effects of sexual assault (at least 1 in 4 women) serving and the post-traumatic stress disorder experienced by 20% of vets. More new jobs!

With 10.8 million males and 10.2 million females between the ages of 20-24, we could grow our armed forces exponentially.  Even if we go to war with Iran, Russia, and China, it’s unlikely that we’ll need the full 10 million + that are active at any given time.  So we could finally take on that $1.6 trillion worth of infrastructure repairs — bridges, high ways, dams, levees, etc. — by shipping our excess troops throughout the country to take care of these projects.  All of the raw material purchases would stimulate local economies.  Even better! At the same time, a ubiquitous presence of armed military personnel at locations nationwide will discourage the naysayers and dissidents from speaking up about our warmongering overseas.***

It’s a win win situation.  Larger army = more wars. More wars means more supplies needed.  More supply orders means we’ll be stimulating the economy left and right.   So what if my math is a bit fuzzy, we’ve got an economic growth plan for America.

New campaign slogans

• John McCain — All War, All The Time.
• America: Mighty Like Sparta

* Homosexuals and Muslim-Americans are automatically disqualified for duty.

** Beauty Pageant winners and women willing to marry and forgo birth control in order to keep this great nation thriving will have their service requirement waived.

*** In the event we still have too many soldiers, we will defer to a site modelled off the quality web destination  HotOrNot to determine who stays or goes.  Called ServeOrNot, your fellow Americans can determine if you should stay or go based on looks alone.